I Despise You: A Dark High School Bully Romance Read online

  Why is he wasting his time blackmailing me? I know he doesn’t care.

  Is it just because it’s more fun? Probably.

  He’s using his chance to be mean to someone, and I’m new here, so I’m more fun than someone he already knows and who knows him all too well.

  Fucking psycho.

  I wait for the night to check the results of the second test, and a smile uptilts my lips. This time, I aced my test, getting a 100. Chase is second at 99.

  I guess my happiness will be short-lived if Chase decides to rat me out, but now it’s better for him not to do it if he doesn’t want to prove my point that he’s scared of me.

  I might find a way to stay at the school, after all, and Chase won’t be able to blackmail me anymore.

  I hurry down the hallway so that I don’t run into my nemesis. If I can avoid him, all the better. I still have to work on my plan, just in case Chase decides that I’m no longer fun or a challenge.

  “Liliana!” Brittany waves at me when I’m on my way to my room. “Oh, thank god I ran into you. I need your help.”

  “What’s going on?”

  Her hands are full of books, and I guess she’s going to the library or has a study date with someone. “I left a book on my desk. Can you please go grab it for me so I don’t have to haul all of this back? Please! I’m so late. I promised Ivy I’ll be there almost half an hour ago, and I don’t want her to get mad at me.”

  I have no idea who Ivy is, but it doesn’t matter. “Sure, but I don’t know where your room is. And can you give me your key?”

  “Oh, right.” She struggles to keep the books up in her arms. “It’s down that hallway.” She nods in its direction. “Last room to the left. It has a red sticker on the door, so you won’t miss it. You don’t need a key. I couldn’t lock it while carrying all this, but don’t tell anyone. I don’t want anyone snooping around, okay? The book I need is on the desk. It’s the only one, so you can’t miss it.”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver.” She flashes me a smile. “Go now. Hurry!”

  I stride down the hallway, looking for Brittany’s room. Maybe I’m imagining it, but this hallway looks a little larger than the one where my room is, and the red carpet seems newer and softer.

  I spot the red sticker in the middle of the door.

  Brittany sure as hell likes to feel special. I open the door and step inside. It’s pitch-dark, so I feel the wall for the light switch, but it isn’t in the same spot as in my room, or maybe I just can’t find it.

  I open the door wider, letting some light from the hallway inside, and try to find the desk. In a moment, my eyes should adjust to the darkness.

  The door slams closed, and I gasp, spinning around, but I can’t see anything anymore. What the hell just happened?

  Someone grabs me from behind into a tight embrace, and my heart jumps into my throat. I know who it is without him even having to say anything. It’s his scent that gives him away.

  “I’m pleasantly surprised, princess,” he whispers into my ear as his hands roam my body. “You’re the last person I expected.”

  His left hand shifts to my breast, squeezing, and his other hand trails up my leg, lifting my skirt.

  “I—” My voice cuts off as his lips lower to my neck.

  His fingers rub against my panties.

  I’m trapped in his arms, and I can’t breathe, even though my chest is heaving and gasps are coming out of my mouth. It’s a completely strange sensation, just like the press of Chase’s mouth against my skin.

  Tell him to stop!

  Push him away!

  My body forgets to function.

  My brain is a mess of panicky thoughts. But there’s something else too. That shot of electricity between my legs as Chase’s hand grabs my ass.

  I open my mouth again, trying to force it to form words.

  But Chase yanks my shirt up, and I want to hold on to it, but he’s too strong and too quick. My shirt ends up somewhere on the floor.

  My hand catches his arm, but it doesn’t stop him from tugging my bra down, exposing my breasts.

  His fingers pinch my nipple, and I let out a cry. I’m not sure if it’s surprise, shock, pain, or something else.

  I don’t want to think about something else, but my body responds. It throbs with a sensation I haven’t felt before.

  He kisses my shoulder, biting lightly, as his hands toy with my breasts.

  “Cha—” I don’t get to finish the sentence because he pulls me with him.

  My body slams against something hard. I’m bent over a desk, and a shiver runs through me as the cold surface connects with my heated skin.

  My throat constricts, and I try to push myself up.

  Chase grips my arms and pins them against the small of my back. He has to be holding my wrists with one hand because I feel my skirt lifting. I know what he’s going to do, and I’m not ready.

  I’m not ready.

  I’m not ready.

  I’m not ready.

  He yanks my panties down.

  Scream. I have to scream.

  His fingers trace my opening so gently that it distracts me. He shifts, but he’s still gripping my wrists. His thumb rubs my clit, and I forget what it is that I need to do.

  Something warm and wet presses against my slit, pushing my folds apart.

  I can’t think.

  All I can do is feel the pulsation of my body and the need waking up inside me.

  His tongue. Oh hell.

  It’s his tongue that’s twisting and twirling over my throbbing bud, every flick creating more and more pleasure.

  One of his fingers dips inside me, and I tense, but a flick of his tongue over my clit relaxes my shoulders.

  I should be able to move.

  I should be able to get up.

  But I can’t.

  Chase’s finger moves faster, slipping in and out of me, and his tongue pushes harder against my sensitive flesh. A sound erupts from my throat.

  It’s loud and unexpected.

  And it’s not a call for help.

  I’m moaning.

  I’m moaning as he fucks me with his tongue and fingers until I can’t take it anymore. My body is on fire as an orgasm ripples through me, leaving me breathless.

  Chase lets go of me, and I hear the sound of a plastic wrapper ripping.

  I want to get up, but my legs are like jelly, and they don’t obey me.

  Chase grips my hips, leaning over me, and instead of recoiling, I’m aroused again as his cock presses against my ass.

  But my fear is still here.

  I’m a virgin.

  It’s going to hurt. I have to—

  Chase slams himself inside me in one swift movement.

  I cry out, but there’s no pain.

  It’s just the odd feeling of him filling and stretching me.

  And that incredible, strong pleasure.

  He shoves his hips against mine, the sounds of flesh hitting flesh and Chase’s grunts filling the room.

  My breaths come out as moans and gasps as he pounds into me, his strokes fast, hard, and punishing.

  I shouldn’t enjoy this.

  It’s Chase.

  The guy I despise is fucking me, his body embracing mine, his cock buried deep inside me.

  But it feels good.

  And wrong.

  But good.

  I’m a bubble of pleasure waiting to burst. Chase dives into me, and the bubble explodes, leaving my whole body tingling.

  A few moments later, he lets out a loud groan and leans over me again.

  His lips brush against my shoulder.

  “You’re so fucking gorgeous and so fucking tight, princess,” he whispers, slapping my ass. “And you taste good.”

  I don’t move as he lets go of me.

  But when my strength returns to me, I push myself up. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness, so I find my shirt.

  With shaking hands,
I pull it over my head and fix my bra. My panties are on the floor, but I don’t want to be here any longer, so I straighten my skirt and dash for the door.

  Everything around me is a blur as I stumble to my room. My skin is crawling now, all the pleasure and desire long gone, and now there’s just disgust.

  I lock the door while I tremble all over.

  Bathroom.

  I have to get to the bathroom and wash the smell of sex and Chase off me.

  As I toss my clothes to the floor and step in the shower, my chest is rapidly rising and falling. I let the water run over my skin.

  And I know I’m destroying evidence.

  I rub at my skin until it’s red and try to ignore the soreness between my legs. Then I huddle in the corner of the shower, tears filling my eyes.

  I should’ve called the cops. I could’ve made Chase pay for everything he’s done. But it’s all just a fantasy.

  I can’t even afford a lawyer, let alone bring myself to allow someone to touch and probe me. Not after what happened.

  I can’t talk about it.

  I don’t want to.

  I don’t want to think about it either.

  And about how it felt to...

  Pointless.

  Pointless.

  It would all be pointless. He’d just get away with it, and everyone would blame me.

  I’m still in shock.

  I can’t think clearly.

  I need time.

  And space.

  A whole lot of space.

  Chapter 11

  WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE morning after a whole night of tossing and turning, a part of me wants to pretend that yesterday didn’t happen.

  But the slight discomfort between my legs is a wicked reminder. I don’t want to leave my room. Ever. I can’t imagine what I’d do if I saw him.

  My brain is building a case against Chase.

  A case against myself.

  He lured me into a room through Brittany, because that as sure as hell wasn’t her room, and then he had his way with me, which is a somewhat nicer way of saying that he raped me.

  I close my eyes for a moment and let out a groan.

  A question enters my mind, and I can’t push it out.

  Why didn’t I stop him?

  Why didn’t I tell him to stop?

  Why didn’t I scream?

  Why the hell did that feel so good?

  And the best answer I have is that I don’t know. I tried to get him to stop. Sort of. But I was surprised. Shocked. Unable to do anything.

  And I know I shouldn’t blame myself for it.

  None of it is my fault.

  I had no clue what I was walking into. I had no idea he’d be there or what he intended. Just because I kind of enjoyed it in the end or had an orgasm—two, actually, but who’s counting—doesn’t make it right.

  I snatch my phone off the nightstand, and I’m only a few seconds away from Googling how a rape victim should feel, because the way I feel right now feels wrong somehow, but I stop myself in time.

  My brain has all the facts that tell me I shouldn’t feel guilty.

  It doesn’t matter that my body reacted. It happens, and it’s not something I had any control over. It also doesn’t mean I wanted to have sex with Chase.

  And yet, I’m conflicted.

  I don’t feel like a victim. Just violated in a different way.

  Maybe one part of me ended up wanting it eventually, and I feel like I’m betraying every victim out there by being so messed up about it.

  I feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me, and that the whole world will judge me for it.

  I shouldn’t feel how I feel.

  Or maybe it doesn’t matter. Everyone processes things that happen to them differently.

  I just want to stop thinking.

  I want to get out of my mind.

  Out of my body.

  But I can’t.

  I should blame Chase for tricking me and doing this to me.

  And Brittany, if Chase didn’t force her to lie to me.

  To stop my brain from rambling barely coherent thoughts, I need to focus my attention on something else.

  Schoolwork.

  Schoolwork is good.

  I open the online private student group so I can find the latest news or try to lose myself in the chitchat and rants that students tend to post, no matter how impossible that seems.

  But then my eyes fall on an ad on the left side of the page.

  I know you want my D.

  Find the red sticker on the door.

  Multiple O’s guaranteed.

  Girls only.

  CC.

  I blink, thinking that my mind is messing with me, but the ad stays right where it was the first time I saw it. It was posted yesterday, and I’m pretty sure it’s Chase’s.

  Why? How?

  Is this his defense plan? Did he put up that ad to insinuate that I came to him?

  It would definitely be an excuse enough for any bribed judges to rule in his favor. If he’d even need it, considering who his father is and how rich he is.

  I’d be branded a slut who wants to get her hands on the rich guy’s money. I just know it. That’s what everyone would think, except maybe for those who know that Chase isn’t so nice and sweet as he pretends to be.

  But probably even they would doubt that I didn’t want to sleep with him, or they’d say that it was my own fault for going to him when I know full well what he’s like. It would be an absolutely shitty argument, but no one would care.

  I click on the ad and find there’s more.

  He’s been posting those a lot.

  I frown at the screen of my phone.

  What if he doesn’t know?

  What if he thought that I really came to him because of the ad? Has someone set him up? Or set me up? What were they thinking would happen?

  Brittany.

  She has to know the truth.

  Suddenly, nothing matters anymore. I just need to know.

  Hopping out of bed, I quickly grab some clothes. Once I’m dressed, I hurry out to find Brittany.

  I see red when I finally spot her.

  “Hey!” I shout, striding toward her, my eyes narrowed.

  She’s smiling.

  That fucking bitch is smiling.

  I shove her back until she collides with the wall. “What the fuck?” I yell, not caring who may hear us.

  “Go ahead,” she says. “Hit me. It’s what you want to do, isn’t it?”

  My fingers curl into fists, but I’m not going to do what she wants.

  I’m not a monster.

  She is.

  “Why?” My voice isn’t as strong and steady as I want it to be.

  Her face turns serious, and it looks like she’s trying to stop herself from saying something because her lip is trembling slightly, but she opens her mouth anyway. “Your whore of a mother is fucking my dad so you can go to school here!”

  I blanch, stepping away from her as if she slapped me.

  She’s lying. She has to be.

  “I know who and what you are,” she spits. “It’s thanks to my dad you’re here, and I wish you weren’t. I wish you’d get the fuck away from here!”

  Her face is contorted in an angry sneer.

  My mom’s boss. That sleazebag is Brittany’s father?

  I’ve never paid any attention to her last name. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s possible she has her mom’s.

  Is my mom really sleeping with Brittany’s father? Has she made such a sacrifice just to make sure that I could get a chance to—?

  I break into a run so I can get away from Brittany, because if I don’t, I’m going to do to her something that will end up with me getting expelled.

  If I do something to her, her father will stop paying for me and will no longer want me here.

  And my mom...

  Brittany has set me up to get me out of here. It was her best chance of achieving what she wants.
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  If I got into any kind of mess with Chase—whether he did something to me or not—he’d take care of me for her.

  And if that didn’t work, I’d snap at her for what she did, and it would be over for me anyway.

  I can barely believe this shit.

  It’s too much. It’s too fucking much.

  Maybe I woke up in a parallel dimension.

  If only.

  MY SHITTY DAY TURNS even worse when my gaze meets Chase’s in the hallway. He smiles and winks at me, and I quicken my steps, unwilling to look at him again.

  But I have to get to class, and he’s going to be there. I wish more than anything that I could skip it, but the teacher is going to tell us some things that are going to be on the next test for the scholarship.

  After what I found out about my mom, I’d hate myself if I didn’t do my best. I should talk to her about it to find out the truth, but I can’t bring myself to do it just yet.

  I’m the first person in the classroom, so I take a seat and fix my gaze on my notebooks and books.

  No matter what, I won’t look at Chase. I’ll pretend that he’s not sitting behind me.

  Once the class fills out, a shadow falls over me.

  “I’d love a repeat,” Chase whispers into my ear, and I go as still as a statue. “How about tonight? There are plenty of more things I’d like to do to you.”

  The teacher shows up, so he returns to his seat. My breathing quickens, and I can’t think about school anymore.

  I’m back in Chase’s room, and his hands are gliding down my body.

  I can’t move.

  His cock pushes against...

  I get to my feet, nausea rising at the back of my throat.

  I can’t do this.

  I thought I could, but I can’t.

  It’s too soon. Too raw. Too real.

  “Liliana?” the teacher asks, her brows drawn in concern. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m not feeling well,” I choke out.

  “Then you should go to the infirmary right away,” the teacher says.

  I hurry to the door.

  “I’ll go with her,” Chase says.

  “Yes, of course,” the teacher says, not even suspecting that Chase might be the reason for my current state, but I can’t tell her anything about it even if I want to.

  I storm down the hallway, hoping to lose Chase, but he catches up with me all too quickly.