I Despise You: A Dark High School Bully Romance Page 13

  “I know. I get it. But if you don’t say anything to anyone, he’s just going to do this to some other girl. And Kayla—”

  “Can we please not talk about that right now?” My mind is a mess.

  I’m a mess. I just want to forget about Chase for a bit.

  “If that’s what you want. But I’m staying with you, okay? I won’t let him get anywhere near you. He’ll never lay his finger on you again.”

  I nod. Having someone by my side will help.

  I need Vanessa.

  She gently places her arms around me and pulls me into a hug, and I fight the urge to burst into tears.

  I don’t know how long we just stand in the middle of the room when a knock rattles the door. I know even without looking that it’s Chase, because no one else comes to my room.

  “Do you want me to open the door?” Vanessa asks. “I’ll tell that asshole what he deserves.”

  “Liliana, I need to talk to you. Please,” Chase says as he knocks again.

  If I tell him to go away, he’ll just come back later.

  “Okay,” I say to Vanessa.

  She’s like a protective barrier between Chase and me, and I hug myself as she opens the door.

  “You sick son of a bitch!” Vanessa yells. “How dare you even show your face here? You should be glad she doesn’t want to call the cops! Stay the fuck away from her!”

  “Liliana,” Chase says, looking past Vanessa at me. “I’m really sorry. Can we please talk about what you said last night?”

  I bite down on my lip.

  I have no idea why he’s really here. Maybe he just wants to make sure I won’t say anything to anyone.

  Maybe he really cares. I can’t read his mind, so I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t want to deal with him or talk to him.

  I can’t.

  “Nothing happened. There’s nothing to talk about,” I say, doing my best to keep my voice steady. “I said some things that I didn’t mean in the heat of the moment. That’s all.”

  His brow creases.

  “We’re done, so just leave,” I say.

  He nods.

  When he’s gone, I sit on the bed, staring at my hands in my lap. Maybe I should’ve told him the truth, but he’s proven to be more dangerous than I expected. It’s safer if I don’t say anything.

  As for the scholarship, I wonder if Chase will come after me with everything he’s got, or if he’ll try to find a way to ruin me because we’re not together anymore.

  It’s like I don’t know him at all anymore. I’m not sure about anything when it comes to him, and I have no idea if I’ve been fooling myself about who he is.

  “Hey, everything’s going to be fine.” Vanessa places her hand on my back, rubbing gently. “He can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let him, even if I have to sleep here in your room with you.”

  “Thanks.” I lean my head on her shoulder.

  Everything should’ve been perfect now that Brittany’s finally gone, but it’s only gotten worse.

  I feel like I’ve failed everything. Now all I can do is fight for the scholarship, but I don’t know how to do that when my main competitor is the same person who shattered my heart into pieces.

  Chapter 24

  MY CHEST HURTS EVERY time I see Chase, and the worst part is that I miss him.

  Not the out-of-control, crazy guy who attacked me, but the guy I know that he can be. I don’t know how long I’ll need to get over him, but for now, I’m just glad that Vanessa goes everywhere with me.

  Chase has texted me a few times, asking me to meet with him and talk, but I’ve been ignoring his texts because there’s nothing to talk about.

  I don’t want to hear another excuse and him telling me that he’s sorry when there’s no guarantee that the whole thing won’t happen again.

  After another test, I groan when I see the results. Chase and I are tied for the first spot, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I have to force myself to study because it’s hard to focus without my mind wandering to him.

  In the cafeteria, Vanessa briefly turns to talk to one of the girls.

  I see Chase a second before he appears in front of me.

  “Liliana—” He reaches out for me, and I flinch.

  His hand drops to his side as his lips part in surprise.

  I guess I’m truly scared of him. I haven’t been that terrified the night Brittany tricked me into going to his room. Then, I wasn’t scared for my life, but now I am.

  “I miss you,” he says, his eyes glassy.

  He’s still using something. Either those pills or something else. It’s not something I can or should help him with if he doesn’t want to help himself.

  “What are those pills?” I ask, looking deep into his eyes. “Why are you taking them? Do you have some kind of condition or—?”

  I don’t even know why I want to know.

  It shouldn’t matter now, but I keep hoping there’s an explanation for his behavior. It wouldn’t be an excuse, but it would make me feel better if I knew that it wasn’t just him being himself.

  He opens his mouth, averting his gaze.

  “You know what? I don’t care.” I walk away from him, and Vanessa is by my side in an instant.

  If Chase doesn’t want to tell me about the pills, he doesn’t have to.

  “Are you okay?” Vanessa asks. “I swear I looked a moment before and he wasn’t anywhere in sight.”

  “It’s fine. You don’t have to be my personal bodyguard all the time. I feel much better now, and I’m safe here.” Chase isn’t going to attack me in the middle of a crowded cafeteria, especially when everyone has a phone with a camera, and his friends aren’t around to shield him or spot anyone trying to record to stop them.

  “I know, but I don’t mind being your bodyguard. Chase should just stay the fuck away from you. Is he bothered that you’re totally going to kick his ass and win the scholarship?”

  “We share the first place, so I don’t know about winning.”

  “Oh, come on. Give yourself more credit. The only reason Chase has the same number of points as you do right now is because he threw you off your game. But you can do this. I know you can. It’ll be glorious when you beat him.”

  “Thanks for being so confident about it.” A small smile stretches across my lips.

  Before Vanessa and I leave the cafeteria, I glance over my shoulder at Chase.

  He’s still looking at me, but I can’t read the expression on his face. Maybe it’s sadness, anger, or a mix of both.

  I wish moving on wasn’t so hard, and I can only hope the hole in my heart will eventually close.

  Chapter 25

  DAYS GO BY, BUT I DON’T get over Chase. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll have to move on one day. I just have to be patient.

  It becomes easier to focus on studying and school, even if my thoughts still fly to Chase from time to time.

  After another test, I’m anxious to see the results. I pace up and down my room, waiting for the updated list. Since we’re getting closer to the end, the principal decided to put the results online too.

  I want to believe that I did great, but I just can’t be sure and it’s driving me crazy. If Chase gets more points than me, it’ll be harder and harder to catch up with him because the tests are going to be more difficult.

  Our teachers already warned us that the tests we’ve taken so far are just a warm-up, and the real thing is yet to come.

  An alert pops up on the screen of my phone, and I quickly tap it to get to the list. My heart is pounding in my chest, but I don’t have to look far.

  Number one.

  I’m number one!

  I jump up, letting out an excited shout. This is the best thing that has happened to me in a while.

  Now all I have to do is check how many extra points I have. Chase is probably second with only one or two points less. I don’t think it’s anything more than that.

  I take a deep breath, because seeing his name s
till hurts and brings back memories of the happy times we spent together.

  But when I bring up the list, I can’t see his name anywhere. I furrow my brow, scrolling through the list. Someone must’ve made a mistake. Shit.

  My good mood fades. If Chase’s not on the list, there’s a chance he’s done better than me and someone forgot to include him. Maybe I’m not currently the best student at all.

  A quick knock on the door makes me look up. I stuff my phone in the hidden pocket on my skirt and go to the door.

  If it’s Chase, I don’t know what I’m going to do. But he hasn’t tried to contact me recently, and it’s possible he’s moved on.

  Vanessa’s grinning face greets me when I open the door.

  “Congrats!” She throws herself at me, wrapping her arms tightly around me. “I’m so proud of you! I knew you could do it! And you’re ten points ahead! You totally got this!”

  “But the list’s wrong,” I say when she pulls away from me.

  “What do you mean wrong? It’s not wrong. If it seems like a dream, believe me when I say it’s not. It’s all real! Do you need me to pinch you to prove it?” she teases.

  “No. I mean, Chase’s not on the list. And if he’s not there, it’s because—”

  “Oh, my god. You don’t know?” She gasps. “I thought you knew.”

  “Knew what?” I narrow my eyes.

  “He left. I heard about it like five minutes ago.”

  “What do you mean he left?”

  “I don’t know all the details, but it looks like he just moved away or switched to another school. Or he dropped out. No clue, really. But he’s gone. He’s not here anymore. That’s all that matters, because it means he can’t fight for the scholarship anymore.”

  I’m so stunned that I gape at her like a fish.

  Chase is gone. It’s such a weird thought that I can barely comprehend it.

  I’m never going to see him again.

  But there’s something that bothers me more.

  Why did he leave? Where is he now?

  I shouldn’t worry about any of that. His life is his own, and it’s none of my business what he does with it. A part of me will probably forever miss him, but there’s nothing I can do about that.

  “I’m really glad he’s gone,” Vanessa says. “I’m sure you know why.”

  I only nod, but I’m still so weirded out I don’t know what to say or what to think.

  Chase is gone.

  Now what?

  AFTER THREE WEEKS WITHOUT knowing anything about Chase, I’m unable to stop thinking about him. My fingers hover over the text I want to type, but I know that I shouldn’t contact him.

  We’re over. He’s gone.

  I don’t need to worry about him. If something bad had happened to him, we would’ve already heard about it.

  I press the exit button.

  No texts. No calls.

  I should delete Chase’s number too so I don’t get tempted.

  But curiosity is too strong, so I search online for him. There’s nothing new on his social media. No mention of any new schools or anything.

  But when I check his Instagram, I see there’s a photo he uploaded last week. It’s a relief to know that he’s okay, but when I click on the photo, I crease my brow.

  It’s a photo taken at a really nice beach on some exotic island or something.

  This is life.

  It’s what Chase wrote next to the photo. He’s holding a glass of some fancy cocktail, and even though there’s not much of him in the photo, it’s clear he’s having fun. It looks like he’s taken a vacation. Maybe he got tired of school.

  My eyes zoom in on a mole on his arm. Except, I’m sure Chase doesn’t have such a mole. I study the photo closer.

  It’s not him. The guy in the photo is not Chase, and I’m a hundred percent sure of it.

  But why did he post it then? Why does he want everyone to think he’s on some awesome trip?

  What if he didn’t post it himself? What if someone else did it instead of him? But why?

  It’s not like Chase is a celebrity, but if he really dropped out of school and doesn’t have any intention of going back, then maybe his father needs him to pretend he’s just on a break to keep the press away.

  Chase not being the perfect son anymore might inconvenience his father if he wants to keep pretending his family is impeccable.

  But maybe I’m jumping to conclusions. Maybe Chase just wants to make everyone jealous, including me. Maybe he really is at some school somewhere and doesn’t want anyone to know about it.

  It’s really none of my business.

  I need to let him go.

  Forever.

  Chapter 26

  A FEW WEEKS LATER, I’m seriously mad at myself for still thinking about Chase. And I’m even angrier when I see him in the hallway.

  My mind has to be playing tricks on me, but he’s right here in front of me. His eyes are trained on me as he just stands there, not moving, and a wave of warmth overcomes me.

  Butterflies fill my stomach, and it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time, just everything I feel is more intense than ever.

  A few students get in the way, and I can’t see him anymore. I almost wonder if I’m going crazy, but then my phone vibrates in my pocket.

  I quickly check the screen. A text from Chase. He says he needs to talk to me, and asks if I’m willing to meet with him in a public place. He also promises he’ll never bother me again after that.

  I stare at the text for a few long moments. Should I even listen to anything he has to say? After what he’s done, I don’t know what to say to him.

  But maybe I should hear him out. For myself. Maybe it helps me get closure that I still need.

  I send him a text, agreeing to meet with him, but I also want to choose the place where we’re going to meet.

  It has to be somewhere we’ve never been to before. I don’t want our good memories tainted if our conversation goes wrong, and I don’t want to be in some place where he knows everyone either.

  If I’m going to talk to him, I need to feel completely safe.

  When I look up from my phone, I can see him again. He inclines his head to me, and then he walks away.

  THE RESTAURANT I’VE picked is packed with people, but it’s exactly what I want. When I enter, I immediately spot Chase at one of the tables.

  I take a seat across from him, and there’s enough space between us. He even leans back a bit.

  “Thank you for agreeing to this,” he says softly.

  I don’t say anything, just watch him. Something about him looks different, but I’m not sure what. All I know is that it’s something about his eyes.

  “I also want to thank you for making me realize that things couldn’t keep going the way they were. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to come back to school. But if you don’t feel comfortable with seeing me every day, I understand and I’ll transfer somewhere else.”

  I don’t know what to say to that. Do I want him back at school?

  “Where were you?” Curiosity gets the better of me.

  “Rehab,” he says, and my eyebrows shoot up.

  “But your Instagram—” I shouldn’t have said that.

  Now he’ll know I’m not over him. But maybe it doesn’t matter. If it’s true he went to rehab and is now better, that’s a good thing.

  “It was a fake post. My father freaked out when I wanted to check in, and he’d only let me do it under a fake name. So I had to post that photo so that no one would suspect anything. I’ve been clean for over a month. I know I should’ve never started using those pills, but they gave me energy and helped me focus, and without them, it just wasn’t the same.”

  “What were they? Like Adderall or something?” I know the pressure to perform can get too strong, especially in competitive schools like Richerville, so some students use drugs to help them study.

  “Actually, it was a mix of more than one drug, but the effects are simi
lar. It made me feel so good. Invincible. But I was starting to lose myself. That’s why I need to ask you something else.”

  I think I know what he’s about to ask.

  “You said that what you told me was in the heat of the moment, but I don’t think you’re the kind of person who says things like that and doesn’t mean them. I know I hurt you, and I’ll be forever sorry about it, but I need to know if there’s anything else I’m not aware of that I did.”

  I swallow past the lump forming in my throat.

  He’s clean now, and he deserves to know the truth. Maybe it will help me too to tell him what really happened.

  “That night... The first night we had sex... I didn’t know I entered your room.”

  His eyes widen, a look of horror crossing his face.

  “I ran into Brittany in the hallway, and she told me she forgot a book. She sent me to get it, and she said her room was the one with the red sticker on the door. I went in, and then I just... I don’t know. I was shocked and surprised, I guess. But one part of me also liked it, and I...”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” His face is pale, his eyes bulging.

  “Because things weren’t that simple.”

  “You were afraid of me.” There’s so much pain in his voice.

  “Maybe a little, yeah. I didn’t know what you were going to do. But I was mostly conflicted about how I felt, and I was mad at Brittany. I couldn’t make her pay easily because her father is paying my tuition fee, and it’s all because my mom’s dating him. And I didn’t want to mess everything up for myself.”

  “I don’t know how I’ll ever make that right. I know my apology seems meaningless to you now, but I wish more than anything that I could take it all back. If you want me to go to the cops and—”

  “You don’t need to say or do anything else. I forgave you, and I forgave myself too. You know what you can do for me? Stay clean.”

  He nods, a tear sliding down his cheek. “I will. I promise.”

  The waitress reaches our table, apologizing for the delay, but the truth is, we haven’t even noticed how much time has passed.

  We order our food, and when she’s gone, I meet Chase’s gaze.

  We sit in silence for a few moments, as if neither of us knows what to say.