I Despise You: A Dark High School Bully Romance Page 14

  “I saw the list,” Chase says. “Congratulations. You’re going to win that scholarship. I’m really happy for you.”

  “Thanks.” I give him a small smile. “And I think you should stay at Richerville Prep.”

  I hope I’m not making a mistake because he reminds me so much of the Chase I love. The one I feel safe with.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  “If you change your mind at any point, all you have to do is text me and I’ll be gone.”

  “Okay.” Having that option already makes me feel a whole lot better about him and about my decision. “What are your plans now? Do you think you can still go to the Richerville University? I know you dropped out of the race for the scholarship, but your father is wealthy and influential—”

  “I don’t know yet. I was hoping I wouldn’t need him, but I guess my mom was right after all.”

  “What do you mean?” I furrow my brow.

  “She always kept telling me that I would never achieve anything without my father’s money, and she was right.” He sighs.

  “What?” I gape at him.

  Automatically, I reach out and place my hand over his on the table. The contact seems to shock us both, because a shot of electricity runs through my hand, and he looks at me in surprise.

  I pull my hand back. “Chase, that just sounds wrong. You weren’t the best student at Richerville Prep just because of the pills. They’re not some magical substance that makes you smart.”

  “I guess they’re not, but I decided to take them and I ruined everything. It’s my fault. No one else’s.”

  “You’ve made some bad choices, yeah. But everyone does that. I’m sure you can do great without the pills or anything else. Universities will be fighting for you. Maybe it won’t be the Richerville University, but I bet there’ll be others who will gladly offer you a full scholarship.”

  “Thank you,” he says, his voice almost a whisper, and I’m not entirely sure he believes me.

  Our food arrives, and as we eat, I keep stealing glances at Chase. Maybe we can still be friends, even if that idea sounds crazy.

  Chapter 27

  OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, I keep seeing Chase here and there.

  For some reason, I find it comforting that he’s here and that he’s fine. I also heard that some girls tried to hook up with him, but he rejected all of them. Not that it’s any of my business what he does.

  After a long day of studying, I get hungry and can’t fall asleep. It turns out I’m all out of snacks, so I get dressed and head to the vending machine. The first one doesn’t have any of the stuff I want, so I search for another one.

  As I pass by a window, movement outside catches my gaze. I stop and take a look through the window.

  Outside, in the darkness, two figures stand in the parking lot. As one of them steps into the light, I recognize Chase. What is he doing out there? And who’s with him?

  If I have any common sense, I’ll just leave it alone. I’m about to walk away, but I can’t. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I’m also worried Chase is doing something he isn’t supposed to do.

  Maybe he’s relapsed and is trying to buy more of those pills. It’s not my job to keep him clean, but I can’t help myself.

  I rush to the door, and carefully and quietly sneak out. Keeping my head down, I pad over the grass and duck behind a bush.

  After making sure no one is around to see me, I dash to one of the cars and hide behind it.

  “Keep your voice down!” I recognize that voice. It’s Chase’s father.

  I’m an idiot. I should just go back. This really is none of my business, and Chase isn’t in any danger or anything.

  “Why? I’m not doing anything wrong! I just want to know the truth,” Chase says.

  I want to leave, but I’m afraid they’ll hear me, so I stay where I am.

  “You know well what happened. You went out. You came back and fell asleep. When you woke up, she was dead,” his father says.

  Is this about Kayla?

  “Yeah, but when did she die? What if I did something to her and I don’t remember? Why did she have bruises on her neck?”

  “Who cares?” his father snaps. “It’s in the past. The case is closed. We shouldn’t even be discussing it. There’s no need.”

  “I care! Not everyone wants to be like you. I know I don’t.” Chase raises his voice.

  “Watch your tone, boy!”

  “Do you think I don’t know what you did to my mom? Do you think she didn’t tell me over and over again about it?”

  “You ungrateful little shit! I saved you! I saved your life more than once now! What if you were charged for that girl’s murder, huh? What if you were in jail right now, no matter what you did or didn’t do? Wake up, boy! I gave you everything. I took you in when no one wanted you. You have everything you need. I gave you a car, and I pay for your school and whatever the fuck you want. Is that not enough? Would you rather be on the streets? Because it can be arranged. Upset me one more time or bring the past up again, and I’m going to disown you.”

  “What’s everyone going to think about that?” Chase asks.

  “They’ll understand that I’ve done everything I could for my addict son, but I just couldn’t enable him anymore. Now go back inside. I don’t want to hear a word from you about anything other than school. Is that clear?”

  “Yeah, crystal,” Chase mutters.

  I hear his footsteps coming closer, and my heart leaps into my throat.

  If I don’t get away from here, he’s going to see me, or his father will if I move to the other side. I break into a run, but I’m not fast enough since I have to keep my head down.

  Just as I’m about to reach the door, I glance over my shoulder and see Chase looking straight at me. He catches up with me easily, and I expect him to be mad.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” he asks, his voice calm.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overhear anything. I was worried that you were in some kind of trouble and I—”

  Surprise flickers over his face. “It’s okay.”

  A light coming from the end of the hallway startles us. A flashlight, which means the guard is close by.

  “My room’s closer,” I whisper. “Come on!”

  We hurry to my room, and when I close the door, I realize I’m alone in my room with Chase. I guess I should’ve thought about it before, but I’m not afraid of him.

  Not anymore.

  “I’m not going to tell anyone anything about what I heard,” I say. “But if you want to talk about it...”

  “I’ve never talked about it to anyone, not even my therapist. My father would kill me if I did that. I probably shouldn’t tell you anything either. It’s my mess. You don’t need to worry about it.”

  “It’s fine, and no one will know if you tell me.”

  His chest moves as he inhales deeply. “Ever since I got clean, I can’t stop thinking about Kayla. The night it happened... I mixed my pills and alcohol, and I can’t remember much about any of it. When I woke up, she was dead, and I freaked because I thought I killed her. But my father told me she overdosed, and that it wasn’t my fault.

  “I believed him because it was the only thing I could do, and I started taking more pills to help me forget. But now I don’t think I can live with myself without knowing what really happened, and I think my father lied to me and maybe made a deal with the cops who were at the scene. I reached out to one of them, but my father found out and he’s pissed.”

  “So you really don’t know what happened? Not even bits and pieces of it?”

  He shakes his head. “It’s all a blur. I remember she came to my room, but I decided to go out for some reason. I don’t know why or how long it took. But then I returned to my room. It was dark. I fell asleep. I don’t think I even remembered Kayla. Or maybe I did, and I...”

  I don’t know what to tell him. “Is there any other way you can find out what happened?�
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  “I don’t know. But if my father wants me to drop the whole thing, it’s probably because I’m guilty and he doesn’t want anyone to know.”

  “But you need to know.” If I were him, I’d want to know.

  Not knowing would eat me alive, and it’s probably eating away at Chase now.

  “Yeah. I guess my father thinks I’m not ready to hear the truth. If I really did it, I’ll turn myself in, and my father doesn’t want that. He’s too worried about what people will think because then everyone will know he covered it up the first time.”

  “Maybe you can tell him you won’t turn yourself in if he tells you the truth. Can’t he understand that it’s impossible to live with a secret like that?”

  He snorts. “My father doesn’t have any trouble living with his secrets. He doesn’t even care, as long as he doesn’t have to suffer any consequences for his actions. He got away with—” He cuts off mid-sentence as he glances at me.

  “With what?” I have a feeling he paused because he thinks whatever he has to say will upset me and not because he’s not comfortable telling me.

  “With raping my mom.” His voice cracks a little.

  My eyes widen as I remember the conversation I overheard between him and his father. Is this what Chase meant when he said his mom kept reminding him of it? Oh god.

  “I’m sorry,” I say softly.

  “He’s the only one who should be sorry, but he’s not. I don’t know how he explains it to himself, but I don’t think he blames himself at all. And my mom was left with all the consequences of what he did, including me. In the end, he destroyed her and she couldn’t live with it anymore, so she took her own life. I guess I’m guilty too, because she had to look at me every day. A few hours before I found her in a pool of blood, with her wrists slit, she told me that she hated me and that I’d never achieve anything in life on my own and without using someone and destroying them like my father does all the time.”

  I’m so shocked that I barely manage to choke back a gasp of horror. I can’t even imagine going through something like that and coming out unscathed and unaffected.

  “Chase, it’s not your fault. You were just a kid, and it’s not your fault your father’s a monster. Even if your mother said some things to you because she was hurting, that doesn’t mean they’re true or that she truly meant them.” I cross the distance between us and wind my arms around him.

  He’s tense, not touching me at first, but then he relaxes a little and hugs me back.

  “But I’m a monster too.” He pulls away from me. “I don’t even know if I killed Kayla, and all this time, I’ve done nothing to try to find out the truth. I just took the easy way out and tried to pretend nothing happened. And then you... What I did to you is unforgivable too.”

  “I don’t think you’re a monster. Monsters only care if they got away with their crimes and they don’t care about anyone other than themselves. Maybe you wanted to pretend nothing happened at first, but now you want to make things right. I want to help you with that.”

  “Why? I don’t deserve your help.” His eyes bore deep into mine.

  “I’m the one who decides who deserves my help and who doesn’t. I think it’s super important that you know the truth, and if there’s anything I can help you with so you can find out what really happened, you should let me know.”

  “Thanks. I should go back to my room. The guard’s probably gone now.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  He glances at me before he disappears through the door, and it’s hard for me to let him go, especially after what he told me.

  I don’t know if he should be alone right now. But I hope he’ll be all right.

  Chapter 28

  WHEN CHASE ASKS FOR my help, I agree to do it, so he invites me to the library. Once I get there, I spot him at one of the computers at the end of the room.

  “Hey,” I say as I take a seat next to him.

  “Hey. Thanks for coming.” He gives me a small smile.

  I notice the video on the screen. “What’s that?”

  “I got my hands on the footage from the club where Kayla and I were partying on the night of her death. I don’t know if my father found a way to watch my laptop, so I thought it’s safer to use the school computer. I already disconnected it from the internet, just in case, and made sure no one else in the school has access to it. I don’t know if this even matters because everything happened after we left the club, but maybe there’s some clue or something.”

  “Okay. But how did you get the footage? Wouldn’t your father make sure no one can get it if there’s something important about it?”

  “Maybe he didn’t think that far, or he stopped the cops from even investigating anything, so he didn’t think it mattered.”

  I furrow my brow. “But if he stopped the investigation just like that, does that mean he knows the truth or he just assumed you’re guilty?”

  “I suspect he thinks I’m guilty, or all of it is just so normal to him that he doesn’t care as long as no one finds out about it.”

  Wow, his father is a psychopath. I don’t have any other explanation. He probably hasn’t even bothered to find out the truth because he doesn’t think something like that can matter to his son.

  “That’s just crazy,” I say.

  “Yeah. Can you look over the footage with me and tell me if you see anything suspicious? Or maybe Kayla taking something or someone slipping something in her drink.”

  “Sure, but I don’t know what she looks like.” I don’t think I remember seeing any photos of her.

  “Right. Sorry.” He clicks open a folder and brings up a screenshot image from the video he’s been watching. “This is her.” He points his finger at the dark-haired girl.

  “Okay. Play the video.”

  He presses the play button, and I squint at the screen because the footage is grainy and of terrible quality.

  I can barely make out Chase and Kayla, and a weird sensation shoots through me when I see her with her arms around him.

  Seeing Chase dance with someone else like that makes me feel weird, and I know it shouldn’t. It’s not like I won’t see him with other girls eventually. We’re not together anymore.

  “I haven’t watched the whole thing yet,” he says. “I think I might have returned to the party at one point, but I’m not sure.”

  “Um, when do you think she died? I mean, how long she’d been dead before you found her?”

  “I don’t know. No one ever told me. But she was cold when I touched her.”

  I’m investigating a murder with my ex-boyfriend who may be the murderer. The sheer craziness of the situation hits me all at once, but I do my best to ignore it.

  It’s Chase we’re talking about, and he’s not a serial killer. I don’t know what I’ll do if it turns out he did kill Kayla or how I’ll feel, and I guess that, deep down, I don’t think he did it, but I don’t have any evidence for that claim.

  I keep telling myself it’ll be easier to cut all contact with him if it turns out he’s guilty, but I have no clue what I’ll do if that happens.

  “Wait.” I lift my finger, frowning at the screen. “Did you see that?”

  “See what?”

  “It’s like the screen flickered. I think we already watched this part.”

  He pauses the video and goes back to the moment the screen flickered.

  “Here!” I say.

  He plays the video, and yep, it’s like someone cut the original and pasted a copy of the previous scene.

  Chase mumbles a curse under his breath.

  “Do you think your father did this?” I ask.

  “Probably.”

  “But why? Why not just take everything and destroy it? Why leave it?”

  “Because I’m dancing with Kayla, and there’s nothing suspicious going on.”

  “Would someone have seen something if you’d done something to her at the club?” Even if he just gave her one of his pills, someone could’
ve seen it.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you think she might have taken one of your pills by accident or that you might’ve given it to her without knowing what it would do to her?”

  “I don’t know.” There’s a hint of desperation in his voice.

  “If your father did this, could he have the original footage somewhere?”

  Chase’s gaze meets mine. “Maybe. If he wants to use it to blackmail me.”

  “Blackmail you?” I arch an eyebrow at him. “How? He’s the one who doesn’t want it out, especially if you did something incriminating.”

  “Maybe he’ll offer to give me the footage in exchange for my silence or something he wants me to do, but only when he wants it. That’s why he hasn’t done it already.”

  “Or you’re innocent and he has proof, but wants you to think you’re guilty because if you don’t know the truth, he can use it against you.”

  He nods. “And he can tell me I should be grateful that he saved me from going to jail. It’s his favorite thing to say when I do something he doesn’t like.”

  “Is there any way you could find the footage on your own?” I don’t think Chase talking to his father and asking nicely would do any good, because there’s nothing in it for his father, so he wouldn’t be interested.

  “No idea, but I can try.”

  “MY FATHER’S THROWING a party at his house,” Chase says. “I think that’s my chance to snoop around. I can pretend that I’m willing to do whatever he wants me to, and maybe I can slip into his office. The footage could be there. He has a ton of security, but there should be a way around it once I’m in the house.”

  “That sounds like a good plan.”

  “Except, I don’t know if he’ll be suspicious. I’ve never shown interest in his business and his parties unless he forces me to do it, but now he’s only invited me and maybe doesn’t even expect me to show up. It’ll be weird.”

  “I can go with you,” I blurt out before I can even think it through.

  “No. You’ve already done plenty for me. I can’t ask that of you too.”

  “But your father doesn’t like me at all, right? Maybe I can be your excuse for showing up at the party. You can say to your father that you’re willing to compromise, but only because you want to keep dating me. I know it’s not the perfect plan, but he might focus on me instead and you’ll get your chance. Even if it fails and he gets angry, you can tell him you broke up with me again.”